Roar While You Can

I picked up the preschooler from his place of happy learning and song and drove him up the coast to a museum party celebrating a new installation of animatronic dinosaurs. My husband phoned as I stood in a vast, beamed hall filled with excited children. You know, he said, at least you’re not that old, as old as the dinosaurs, ha, ha. No, he didn’t say that. That’s what I said to myself. And then I phoned my husband and said it to him, holding the phone out so he could hear the roar from a triceratops as big as a bulldozer and roar-bleats from her animatronic babies. What my husband said was confused gibberish and then he had to go. I followed the preschooler to the panting, roaring, slyly moving T-Rex and we both stood before it for some time, holding hands, knowing we shouldn’t be afraid, but feeling funny anyway. I felt scoured by the dino’s shifting yellow eye and was reminded, for about the 50th time, of trying on a sunhat at Target earlier that day while my son was in school and, to my shock, turning into an octogenarian. I thought hats were my friends. Apparently times have changed.

She moves. Her babies move.

It’s a big toy, my son told me and I assured him he was absolutely right, just a big roaring toy, not real. He led the way across a bridge to a woodsy little area set up with catering tables. Our dinner choices: a turkey leg fit for King Henry the VIII (or a T-Rex) with tiny roasted potatoes and salad for me, a small drumstick, skin on, French bread and salad for my four year old. No pizza? my son asked, looking at me with great confusion. I returned the look. Guess not, I said. Just chicken like you’ve never really eaten it before. Well…he said. Luckily they were serving plenty of lemonade and we sipped brimming cups of it and ate bread at a table beneath those other dinosaurs, oaks, branches spreading quietly over us like a bewitching benediction. That’s right. A freakin’ bewitching benediction. Not far from our table a creek murmured pleasantries and often children galloped by and my son would gallop after them for a bit, then return for more lemonade as I gazed up into the oaks and felt not twenty, not thirty-something, not middle-aged and not 80, but a tiny bit peaceful imagining humanity’s thumbprint on the world’s timeline—about as big as a T-Rex footprint, I thought, ocean-blue, remarkably imperfect and cast forever. My husband phoned. When you’re 95 you’re going to look back and wonder what the heck the fuss was all about, he told me. Okay, I said. Roar. As we left the museum in search of a beachside pizza joint, my son waved at the giant T-Rex. Bye, T-Rex! he told it. I’ll miss you! Several people around him smiled and said aw and placed their hands over their hearts as I scrounged in my purse for a tissue. I live with the future. How lucky am I.

Where they live.

Posted in Me and Us, Santa Barbara, Writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Pig Wings

Shh…She’s thinking. I mean, I’m thinking.

This M’s Day I opened up the kind of box obviously designed for special gifts and found a glass pig. According to the teeny tiny piece of paper that comes with her, the pig’s name is Penelope. Nestled into satiny material, I mistook her for an upside down frog with black eyes and faintly pink legs. When I realized the legs were actually wings, I stared at the glass object on my palm, voiceless.

“Because,” my husband said, “pigs can fly.”

When I looked at him, he had the slightly amused, yet ever-so-serious expression he wears when I’ve done something cuckoo-bird, like the time I tripped and spilled a mug of hot coffee all over my jeans on our first date, or when, hiking behind him on that jungle trail, I threw a rock over the edge of the cliff and screamed and made things worse by laughing hysterically at his reaction (I still laugh, which is why we never talk about it),  or when I attempted to open our hotel’s screen door the night before we were married in order to smash a lamp on the head of the guy who had just stabbed the hand of a tourist in the room next to ours and was crawling across our balcony escaping, or the time I came home driving a Mustang convertible, or last week when I locked my keys and cell phone in the car and sing-songed to my son as I bashed the laundry room window with a push toy, not realizing the window was double-paned and not at all like in the movies when people break into houses, and lately that particular look ignites whenever I moan about writer’s block).

“Pigs can fly,” my husband said with that look. “Don’t ever forget it.”

I looked at the pig. Its wings reminded me of cotton candy in sunlight, my son’s toes, Achilles’ amazing heels. With shaking fingers I tucked Penelope back into her satiny bed and slipped her box into my purse as we headed for the M’s Day breakfast joint. Between sips of a complimentary mimosa, I peeked at the box, then scowled at the open parasols hanging from the ceiling. I was working hard to keep it together, determined my son not be scarred for life by watching his mother leap from her chair and shriek-sob I LOVE MY PIG to her husband, then everyone in the restaurant.

The YA Muses recently blogged about objects of meaning and/or inspiration that they keep on their writing desks or wear around their necks and such and I truly get it now. Penelope was an instant mascot—instant winged muse. The kind who relishes flying into impossible odds—

When you hold her, she has weight.

Good pig.

Posted in Fiction, Pets, Writer's Angst, Writing | Tagged , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Quote For The Weekend (Wildlife Edition)

Pant hooting. Try it! Seriously. She’d say it’s okay.

You may not believe in evolution, and that is all right. How we humans came to be the way we are is far less important than how we should act now to get out of the mess we have made for ourselves.

If you really want something, and really work hard, and take advantage of opportunities, and never give up, you will find a way.

That I did not fail was due in part to patience….

—Jane Goodall

As I prepare suitcases and cooler and fill snack tins and pack supplies for a week even though we are only going overnight, I’m thinking about the writing and revising I won’t get done this weekend—and, truthfully, I’m a little relieved. Besides, it will be Mother’s Day and now that I am a mother I get it, I get it and am looking forward to a room service breakfast with husband and preschooler. This weekend we will visit the San Diego Wild Animal Park and ride a tram and my son will get a good look at the African animals he so admires—non-taxidermied animals, for a change—living dioramas. I will point out the wildebeasts and lions and expostulate on why antelope lounge rump to rump in circular formations, all the while utterly aware of the crowbar in the backpack by my side in case there’s an earthquake and chaos theory takes over and the animals escape and we must bash our way to safety because this is the extent to which I’ve evolved and I’m not proud of it, but I’m a mother and we carry many vital items in our purses and backpacks in addition to extra underwear for the entire family and sunblock. Because you just. Never. Know.

Happy Mother’s Day to the mamas. May your bellinis be strawberry and extra cold. May your pant hoots be joyful and inspired.

Posted in Avoiding My Writing, Fiction, To Explain, Writer quotes, Writing, Writing Progress | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

The Oak Drug

Oak trees are my valium. Last Saturday I listened to friends chatting and a creek dance over boulders as I gazed up into a canopy of arms at all angles and a puzzle of jagged green leaves on blue sky and—zzzzzz. Whatever I fretted over all week was oaks-diffused the second I entered that grove. As with redwoods, I admire oaks for their longevity (the Los Angeles Encino Oak was 1,000 years old and a protected, celebrated landmark before it was slain by El Nino’s storms). But whereas redwoods contain that towering, majestical presence you want to humbly bow before, oaks are goofier seniors, hippie trees, Shiva-armed and inviting. In my backyard I have 3 potato vine trees. 5 young cypress (toddler sized). And corn. I like the easy rustling of the corn stalks. A pillowy aspect to the potato vine trees and their purple blossoms catch my eye whenever I pass the living room windows. The cypress? Pretty much flatliner material, although what wonderful sunblockers they’ll become some day (when I’m 90). I can write in my yard, but oaks and ocean slam me with ideas—and peace—every time—my tonics, Waldens, my snake charmers, Christmases, my Paris, my churches, reprieve from the red ink of revision. Have you hugged an oak recently? Thrown yourself down on your favorite beach screaming, WHAT WHAT WHAT?—mentally screaming—there are children on the beach—and sensitive hermits—hermit crabs—constantly freaked out sanderlings—tai chi groups—stern rangers—but the trees, it’s so easy to hug one, hug and receive and even if someone notices they won’t call 911—the oaks won’t permit it. Try it. You’ll see. Or sidle up and stroke a limb. Or be braver and press your forehead to the bark for one minute. And then call me up and tell me I’m not crazy.

Please.

Posted in Avoiding My Writing, Fiction, ocean related, Writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Trickle-Down Poem For May (Thank You, April)

Full Flower Moon

May (mostly), the petticoat swirl of rising
pink meadow, petite showers, buds. I say:
rose, peony, phlox. And I say: petal-
shorn, plucked, blown until only the head
remains, one pale sticky oval crushed by u-
niverse so formidable it upgrades the dead
into blossoming…Old flower-face–you!
Cruel palette-eye! Where, where is your color?
I say: dearest, warmest, sugar-phlox fairy.
Dare I say: more. It’s May (mostly). And I am
showered and sweet beneath puckered
moon, stem right behind an ear. I am thigh-
deep in meadow and I must know: are you
dressed? Staunch, seasonal gloom cut? Dancy
blue-fires broken through? Show me.
The moon requires it. I confess: May. More.
I confess the kiss: a peony, phlox, a peony,
phlox, a peony, phlox,
the rose.

—PB Rippey (circa 2002, when full moons were a nightly occurrence)

Posted in Poetry, Writing | Tagged , , , , , | 4 Comments

Quote For The Weekend (Feverish Edition)

There is one consolation in being sick; and that is the possibility that you may recover to a better state than you were ever in before.

—Henry David Thoreau

In the cocoon with a flashlight. Outside of it all, I hear the preschooler testing his dad, house finches colonizing the trees (since 5:00 a.m.), the dog having his say, some animal scratching at the bedroom door, making the tiny bell attached to its collar sing. This I know: the lawn is mowed at last, sun is a focused summer lens, the novel The Descendants is far better than the movie, strangers are following me on Pinterest, a manuscript tucked into the memory stick in the drawer of my nightstand has the pipes of a foghorn, things buzz and just as I’m nodding off into blackness, the aroma of cat pee wafts from the bedroom closet because I failed to close certain doors in a timely manner. Yes: metaphors are buried in fathoms beyond my powers of exploration. Sad, this. Yes: not even the cocoon blots thought. I repeat: there’s gold beneath that sneeze, that groan. I mean good. I mean, whatever those early transcendentalists offered:

I’ll take it.

Posted in Quotes, Writer quotes, Writer's Angst, Writing Progress, WTF | Tagged , , , , | 3 Comments

Get Thee To Rivendale

If you're sick, this is the place to be.

Whenever I feel the slightest hint of a scratchy throat, whenever I’m knocking back the EmergenC or playing The Ladybug Game for the 5th time with a box of tissues in my lap, whenever I’m carrying on despite what I know is pending onslaught of flu, the second my preschooler is down for the night, I struggle into the bed that is suddenly Mt. Everest, haul the laptop up to my chest and freak out my husband by whispering: Froooooodo, Froooooodo…Gollum. Gollum. Sam?

And then I am one with LOTR, until sleep takes over (which is never before Liv pulls Frodo to her stylish Elven cloak and cries on him).

Tonight, I’ve resisted LOTR and instead gazed at the same page of my manuscript for an hour, my mind plotting what will go into tomorrow morning’s smoothie, revisiting that one thing that one person shouted that one unfortunate time, wandering the aisles of IKEA Burbank, ransacking my closet for appropriate shoes for Saturday’s Day Out With Thomas, imagining a yoga mat patterned in ocean—oh. Yes. Etc.

Just. Be. Sick. My husband’s advice as he watches me torture myself with checking out vs. not writing. If I could just Hulu and not know that I wasn’t writing! If I could just Frodo my way into the weekend without guilt—or, not guilt, something worse–something so all-seeing and fiery when looked at properly, I scream. And maybe throw up.

Note: after my yoga sessions, I meditate. Meaning: the world flies like Oz monkeys into my brain for 10 minutes during which I madly process, delve and deflect while breathing as though I’m calm—and then I ask a question. There is always an answer. Lifted from that Nike commercial.

Just do it.

I’m sick! Gollum, Gollum—hear that? See my misery? I think I’ve been stabbed! Whimper. Precious.

Just. Do. It.

Que?

Ser rapido.

Pardon? Padrone? Tecate? Bueller?

Donde esta el bano gringa.

Ah, si, si—no se. Gollum! No se.

Riiight. Sleep. Comprendes?

I am not one to shirk my Higher Self. And hopefully not one to throw up anytime soon. Studies show that throwing up may cause—

Pretend I am wielding a staff above your head. The staff has knocked your head. Quite hard. There was a sound. Like that of a stick meeting a nut.

Good night.

Posted in Avoiding My Writing, Fiction, Writer's Angst, Writing, WTF | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Spring Spirit Conference, 2012

Not a Starbucks for miles.

What a delightfully smooth, well-run, 1 day conference. As I drove away, the GPS taking me on a spooky off-the-freeway-then-back-on mini-adventure, as I sped past miles of crops (previously mist-blanketed, cooling off from a day of baking in 93 degrees), as the seamy-red, YOU NEED OIL BABYDOLL! light flickered on, shocking me, as Prarie Home Companion kept me calm, I asked myself if driving hundreds of miles to Rocklin was worth my time and effort.

Why, yes—it was.

The best panel of the day was put on by none other than my heroes, the YA Muses. Not only did they give a professional, in-depth talk on revision, but they also gave us candy. Visit their website all week for a recap of their panel. If you are in the midst of revising, you must visit them. I’ve said it before, I’ll keep on saying it: YA Muses is a treasure trove of info, no matter the genre you’re writing in. Plus, I can vouch that they are nice. Professionalism and niceness—what could be better? Go read them. Go see.

Lin Oliver was entertaining and informative with another list of advice. Follow Your Weirdness remains a list highlight. Also, starting your novel on the day (close to the actual second) when your Main Character’s world changes forever was a tip to take home and mull over. Lin critiqued my manuscript’s first 20 pages. Her comments were to-the-point, delivered sometimes with humor and always with a sense of care and consideration for the work. Her notes were a happy antidote to that other critique I received.

I met people, took notes, napped for 10 minutes in the minivan, took notes, stretched my legs and wiggled my toes, breathed in the information.

And then I returned to my father-in-law’s, where my preschooler promptly squealed out a detailed account of his first miniature golfing experience. I didn’t get farther than the living room rug, where I collapsed, chatty little lovely morsel in my lap, my husband massaging my shoulders. A glass of local merlot and a salmon/roasted potatoes dinner from my father-in-law capped off that reunion. Well! Life is full of extraordinary ordinary blessings.

Back home in the Valley-Of-The-Constant-Bake, my son in school, the dog snoring next to me on the bed in my office, it’s time to go over my notes and get to work. With a mini-Snicker’s bar. Courtesy of those wonderful Muses.

Posted in Children's Books, Fiction, middle grade, Steps In Promotion, Writer quotes, Writing Progress, Writing Tips, YA Novels | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Quote For The Weekend (Roadtrip Edition)

What is the feeling when you’re driving away from people, and they recede on the plain till you see their specks dispersing? -it’s the too huge world vaulting us, and it’s good-bye. But we lean forward to the next crazy venture beneath the skies.

—Jack Kerouac

I saw Jack Kerouac once. He was crossing the USC campus. You wouldn’t have known he was younger than me due to the crease between his brows, but it was him, semi-buff in his black muscle T-shirt, black cowboy boots and black jeans and perhaps he wasn’t Kerouac at all, but James Dean and he was younger than I was, too, shaking his head as he walked towards Kirk, alone, hitting the air with his hands as though he was so, so sorry. I never felt so old. Wiping the tears from my face with all of my fingertips, I found a tree as fast as I could.

And I hugged it.

Until campus security made me let go.

Posted in Fiction, Poetry, Writer's Angst, Writing | Tagged , , , , , | 3 Comments

Tulip Red Umbrella

In case you missed it, Carol Muske Dukes has an appreciation of Adrienne Rich right here, in the Sunday, 4/16/12 edition of the LA Times. There you will find reference to a tulip red umbrella and its owner.

Speaking of Carol, if you weren’t at the 2001 AWP conference in Palm Springs, you missed The Pink Tuxedos and experiencing Rita Dove’s gorgeous singing voice. Don’t despair. Here is a  link, right here. Thanks for the link, Carol—I finally watched the video after all these brief, whipsnapping years.

Quote For The Weekend will come early this week as I prepare to depart (road trip style w/husband, preschooler and Kindle Fire) for the Spring Spirit conference in Rocklin. Apparently the conference is sold out. I’m quite excited to attend. The YA Muses will be there and you can bet their panel will be informative and interesting. Hopefully Beth Hull will be there, too–although she might skip it in order to bring new life into this world. It’s supposed to be 85 degrees in Rocklin. Gah! For a year and a half now each month has had a heatwave tucked into it. It’s only April. Where’s the sunblock.

Posted in Poetry, Writer quotes, Writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

KNOCK IT OFF, CUCKOO

OF COURSE IT'S A CUCKOO!!!

Please go to this wonderful post by Beth Hull and read—especially if you are a certain literary agent. Or any literary agent or critiquing-type who believes they are so busy and important it’s perfectly fine to be brusque and quippish instead of constructive. I’m busy, too. And extremely important around here. I work hard, too—whenever I can, even when driving home from visiting a terminally ill dad—which is another thing Abrupt Critiquer types should be aware of—that perhaps their victims are experiencing upsetting circumstances, so THINKING TWICE OR MORE before hitting the Send button is very smart, vs. delivering impatient remarks that only madden the already exasperated (cue cuckoo). A pinch of graciousness when critiquing, no matter how irked you are by whatever it is you’re reading, garners gratitude and respect (gratitude and respect are GOOD—Google them, you’ll see it’s true—G and R help the world rotate). And, Crusty Critiquers, remember: studies show that victims absolutely will not send you their novels again, despite your passive-aggressive invitations to once the quipped suggestions have been incorporated into the novels passionate works of art—not even if you are The President Of All Literary Agents, or Universally Popular And Obviously Exceedingly Clever Not To Mention Massively Experienced. Writers understand about killing darlings. We get it. We’ll do it! We’ll slaughter away. But if you prick us: we bleeeeeeeeed.

Oh, look: the sun is shining. It’s a beautiful day.

As I was saying, Beth is wonderfully wise and if she ever decides to become a professional Critter (in addition to Novelist, that is), she will be hugely successful. She will have a waiting list 10 years long. I highly recommend her post. It’s never too late to grow (up).

Yours in rants and a date with the yoga mat,

P the heck B

Posted in books, Children's Books, Fiction, Writing | Tagged , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Quote For The Weekend

The whole wide sky of him.

Once the realization is accepted that, even between the closest human beings, infinite distances continue to exist, a wonderful living side by side can grow up, if they succeed in loving the distance between them which makes it possible for each to see the other whole and against a wide sky!

            –Rainer Maria Rilke

Driving my son to school, paused at the intersection of Corbin and Sherman Way, barrage of rain on the minivan, wipers working at top speed, I glanced at the DIY carwash on the corner. Lo! An SUV was in a slot, being soaped. Washing your car in a rainstorm. Only in LA?

As I left the supermarket, scrunched under my umbrella, tucked into my coat and scarf and big boots, rain a waterfall of smarting pellets—a small, 200 pound woman spilling out of her short-shorts and tanktop used her shopping cart like a scooter. Wheeeee! she cried, soaring across the parking lot, utterly drenched. Wheeee!

Driving home from Trader Joe’s, wipers about to fly off their hinges from unaccustomed use, red light at Canoga and Van Owen. Road builders! my son shouted joyfully at the mess on the corner and just as he said this a thirty-ish looking man wearing a backpack and no hat in the deluge charged an orange traffic cone. As we watched (watchers included: myself, my son, the road builders huddled miserably under their canopy, jaws slack), the man jumped the cone successfully. On he galloped, to the bustop. When I drove by him, his proud smile was still in place. I honked. My son laughed. Thunder.

Posted in Fiction, Quotes, Writer quotes, Writing | Tagged , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Not A Zombie

Am not!

1. Recently I slouched on a bale of hay, waiting for my son to appear at the bottom of a tube slide attached to a combine machine turned playset. A boy of about 10 popped out of the slide first, then his mom. She stood, wobbly from the fast ride. Her sunglasses caught mine. “He is a special needs boy,” she told me at once, as if I might be judging her for being on the slide. “So I must teach him everything.” I smiled and nodded. “It’s a whole other world,” she said. “I understand,” I assured her, frantically searching for something else to say because I will never understand all she has been experiencing in her world. I didn’t want her to think I was presumptuous, or unfeeling. “Thank you,” she said, shocking me, and lurched after her son who was off to explore the stationary tractors. I was groggy from a night of frequent wakings by my preschooler. I needed coffee injected into my veins. The April heatwave was putting me to sleep…Still. I should have said more. Screams from my son as he popped out of the slide— my sweet, gorgeous little world in action.  I wish I had said more.

No Zombie!

2. We hiked through ploughed fields to a well-attended Easter egg hunt. Our son raced ahead of us, singing something and swinging his Easter basket. I hurried after him, passing a mom who, according to my husband, was saying this to her little boys: And then Jesus returned from the dead. But he wasn’t a zombie.

3. Driving up Topanga Canyon, in and out of exquisitely rounded shadow, my son snoozing in the backseat, jazz on the radio, sun glossing canyon walls—the town center always surprises me, appearing just as I’m sinking into total nature bliss-out.Red light. At first I dismissed her: your average person crossing a street. But her bare feet caught my eye, then the oversized blazer straight out of St. Elmo’s Fire and how her right arm was held strangely because perched on it was an enormous cockatoo, feathers billowing, staring right at me. As the bird puffed, I whispered, “What is this place.”

4. Plopped in an Adirondack chair made not of wood, but recycled materials (is it still an Adirondack, then?), April sky a fat blue ribbon over my yard, I checked email on the Kindle and opened a rejection letter. I deleted it and a mockingbird divebombed my head. As I ran for the house through a fresh pile of dog poop, I heard the ocean—but shook off that delusion along with my soiled running shoes. It was the ocean’s infamous stand-in: the Ventura Freeway, its hiss carried miles to my yard on wind flipping through my manuscript abandoned on the chair, messing with just about everything—rose petals, hose spray, my badly bunned locks, thoughts…How long, how long? Thank you.

Stop pointing at me!

5. Here, PB—an A for effort. HOLD ON NOW—you have a child you play with, a husband you talk to, multiple pets, a house you more than vaguely protect from a wheezy, dustbowl-valley environment, and you write—productively—you can write productively—when not blogging. You are no zombie (yet)! A+

Posted in dog, Fiction, Pets, Writer's Angst, Writing, WTF | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Switched Hats

But is it waterproof?

All week I’ve taken a break from my children’s novels in order to scour my grownup novel—a few chapters a night. I have revised as I’ve read (of course), refusing to backtrack until I make it to The End. Or—something mostly kind of almost like that, in a way…

Switching hats. Leaping from the voice of an eleven-year-old girl into the mind of a late thirty-something (if she’s not lying)—a woman battling writer’s block, backstabbing poets (alive, dead and suicidal), a mysterious seaside town, a virtuoso violinst who has never been seen wearing anything but a skeleton costume and who goes by the name of Death, horrible weather, a great-grandmother who doesn’t realize she’s nothing but ashes (not to mention barefoot), a rogue movie director with a thing for pith helmets, an “earthquake”, Fit Moms Inc., an actor with an assumed name pretending to be someone he once was, and an ex-husband who has somehow resurrected himself from an ocean grave, unfortunately returning with the same irritating habit of quoting Plato that he left with. By Act II of my novel, should my heroine be presented with the butterfly piece in the picture above, she would whisk it to her head and declare she was wearing her exploded brain as a hat. Butterflies for brains? She should be so lucky! That is—if I can pull off the plot and bring her properly to life…Shh. Don’t speak. Dooooon’t speeeeeeak…Oh, my.Perhaps I should turn in early tonight.

I am seaweed.

It’s 10:06 p.m. Do you know where your pith helmet writing/revising armchair is? Well! Happy writing, then. Happy Easter egg dyeing. Happy bonnet wearing. Enjoy playing Richard Scarry’s Busytown game with your preschooler 100 times over the holiday weekend. And don’t call me in the morning.

Posted in Adult writing, Children's Books, Fiction, ocean related, Poetry, To Explain, Writer's Angst, Writing, Writing Progress | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

3 Days Of Light

"In every outthrust headland, in every curving beach, in every grain of sand there is the story of the earth"---Rachel Carson

I’ve been visiting here since I was 4 years old and still this beach works magic on my psyche. At least, it feels like magic.

I don’t wait to be struck by lightning and don’t need certain slants of light in order to write. –Toni Morrison

Certain slants definitely act as lightning strikes for me. This particular light and I bonded. What came into my head as I powerwalked surprised and reminded me not to shove my mental papers under my mental carpets (they are mostly Victorian, paced to threadbare and permanently stained) when feeling overwhelmed, but to have faith in my imagination’s addiction to surprise parties. If I’d been at home (in my bedroom office typing away as the dog snored next to me, the usual threat of housework looming) instead of hoofing it along my beach into a challenging headwind, I’m not sure the same imagination-information would have come to me—or at least not as quickly as it did.

I’ve always disliked words like inspiration. Writing is probably like a scientist thinking about some scientific problem, or an engineer about an engineering problem. –Doris Lessing.

She’s right—especially when dissecting/creating/tweaking plot. But to feel excitement while waiting for something ordinary to ignite the sky with color—the mesmerizing quality of an evolving vista—what a sunset over ocean can produce in me?

Inspiration is definitely the word (take that you old synapsing, chemically attracting, brain affecting negative ions gone mad!), morphing into ideas that write themselves.

Mwahaha

Treasure.

Of course I keep coming back for more.

Posted in Fiction, ocean related, Pets, Writer quotes, Writing, Writing Progress | Tagged , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Quote For The Weekend (Rich Edition)

Sleeping, turning in turn like planets rotating in their midnight meadow: a touch is enough to let us know we’re not alone in the universe, even in sleep…

—Adrienne Rich

Diving Into The Wreck made such an impression on me when I first read it and remains one of my favorite poems. And if you click here you can listen to Sharon Olds reading The Burning Of Paper Instead Of Children. Or read it here, but do read it. And, if you haven’t read the news already, here’s what NPR has written about her.   A great American poet who can never be read/taught/learned from enough. RIP.

Posted in Poetry, Quotes, Writer quotes | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

Brief Blog Break

My beach.

I am stamping the blog with a poem instead of PB’s impressions as I prepare to hoof it out of town.  Hoping that this get-away reboots my brain and produces thousands of words as I work on a certain bit of sequel.

T H O U S A N D S.

Wrong to put reboot and thousands-of-words in the same sentence. See? Time to stick my face in ocean wind while the boy investigates tide pools (I don’t go on get-aways without my preschooler and I wish his father could come, too–I’m bizarre that way). It’s almost April and April is poetry month, I’m told, so have a pre-poetry month poem on me. Or, you know, have an everything bagel in a kind cafe (but not on me). Non-light cream cheese. A book (with covers and pages) or a journal (with covers and unlined pages). A contented sigh because you remembered to bring a pen with you (oh how you love yourself at this second!). A sip of coffee with your cream. And, later, a madeleine.

When

Cracks
in a cobble shaded by my sole.
Turret glimpsed through city elms.
My case thunking floorboards and you
flick on the television–no, not that.
Speaking encouraging bits to a stranger’s pair of black cats.
Toting bags of fruit and wine along a damp un-
familiar street as you sleep–that and figuring out
someone else’s keys in several Scottish locks and later,
from behind, the drizzle on your trenchcoat shines.

We adopted the same posture watching the vicious play, arms
crossed–that and handing my ticket to the man
with the tugged face Berwick-Upon-Tweed–no,
not that–my index finger tracing an outline
on iced window of North Sea fogging–no, not that–telling
the food and drinks trolley boy no thanks
with a smile that is American and overrated–that and kissing
my old friend’s cheek, then my bare foot

on carpeted, musical stair, pushing the door open with my knuckles,
lying beside you one last time in London–no, not that–the foxes,
British foxes on  a terrible 3am tear–shrill, cruel, violent; be-
side you, hearing trees shudder their leaves, all traps
sprung. That is when I feel it.
That is when.

Posted in ocean related, Poetry, Santa Barbara, Writing | Tagged , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Kindle Kinks

This is my Kindle, this is my Kindle, I never travel without my Kindle (sung to tune of that one box-obsessed King's ditty in Amahl And The Night Visitors).

Kinks in my brain as I reach for pages to turn, repeatedly startled when THEY’RE JUST NOT THERE. The Content-O-Meter that obediently appears when I tap my finger on the screen does show me how far I’ve progressed in the book—but I miss being able to run my thumb along remaining pages of the masterpiece or fluff I’m reading and feeling satisfied, panicked or devastated by just how much reading is left. I worry about going from staring at a computer screen to staring at a Kindle screen late at night as I cram in minutes of bedtime reading. But I do like not spending as much money on books I have no intention of adding to my personal physical library. And I enjoy watching a movie while I ride the exercise bike…………

I am convinced that Kindles have the power to make readers miss books. Like trying margarine and realizing why you really love butter. Or switching from Crest to Tom’s and hastily switching back again. Or trying kale in your morning smoothie and then omitting it most of the time, not all, but most of the time. I enjoy my Kindle. But perhaps a happy balance between exploding technology and the latest hardcovers can exist. Why not? It’s a magnificent world. Long live Marginalia!

Posted in books, Fiction | Tagged , , | 4 Comments

Quote For The—Blrrrrrrrrrrgh

zzzzzzz

This is what I remember about Friday: feeding the boy, hug-sandwich as we said bye-bye to his dad, finally getting the boy to preschool (I thought I was a slow eater!), speeding to Starbucks as forgot to buy coffee for home, speeding home, bypassing yoga DVD to position self in bed office with laptop, embarking upon ‘final’ revision of entire novel for four of the swiftest hours I have ever known, completely unaware of minutes flicking by as if they’re–what. Fireflies? No. We don’t have those here. Fleas? How about slick little fish. And now it’s night and everyone is sleeping and I’m wide awake after having sent in a submission without catching the error in the cover letter and they will think I can’t spell and think I am bllrrrgy and I’ve already groaned and pulled at my hair like a tragic Greek heroine, but so I had a misspelling, so what, in a way, because my novel is currently the best it’s ever been and that is something I definitely shouldn’t admit to—would you? Good night and may your weekend be filled with park playdates and successful future revisions between meals, naps, folding laundry and throwing the ball for the dog and, more than anything, here’s to early bedtimes for all.

Posted in Children's Books, Fiction, middle grade, Writer quotes, Writing | Tagged , , , , , | 2 Comments

Book Bits (Courtesy of NPR)

You’ve probably already been here  as I’m never the earliest anywhere except the zoo, museums, playgrounds and places in which excessive queuing is involved. But here is an excerpt anyway and you can listen to the whole interview with Jonah Lehrer and read bits from his book.

I love these particular bits from the article:

On how Steve Jobs redesigned Pixar studios to maximize collaboration and creativity

“The original design for the Pixar studios consisted of three separate buildings, where they’d put the computer scientists in one building, and the animators in a second building and the third building would contain everybody else: the directors, the editors and so on. Steve realized that that was a terrible idea; that the real challenge of Pixar was getting people from these different cultures — these computer scientists and these cartoonists — to work together, to really collaborate. And so he insisted that Pixar studios just be one vast, cavernous space.”

On forcing people to meet and mingle … even if it’s in the bathroom

“[Jobs] insisted there be only two bathrooms in the entire Pixar studios, and that these would be in the central space. And of course this is very inconvenient. No one wants to have to walk 15 minutes to go to the bathroom. And yet Steve insisted that this is the one place everyone has to go every day. And now you can talk to people at Pixar and they all have their ‘bathroom story.’ They all talk about the great conversation they had while washing their hands.

” … He wanted there to be mixing. He knew that the human friction makes the sparks, and that when you’re talking about a creative endeavor that requires people from different cultures to come together, you have to force them to mix; that our natural tendency is to stay isolated, to talk to people who are just like us, who speak our private languages, who understand our problems. But that’s a big mistake. And so his design was to force people to come together even if it was just going to be in the bathroom.”

The bathroom! Right on! And this bit, too:

On why you should stop trying to harness your brain, and instead help your brain get out of its harness

“The question becomes, what happens if you hit the wall? Because we’ve all got experience with this. You’re working on a creative problem, and then all of a sudden that feeling of progress disappears … What you should do then — when you hit the wall — is get away from your desk. Step away from the office. Take a long walk. Daydream. Find some way to relax. Get those alpha waves. Alpha waves are a signal in the brain that’s closely correlated with states of relaxation. And what scientists have found is that when people are relaxed, they’re much more likely to have those big ‘A ha!’ moments, those moments of insight where these seemingly impossible problems get solved. So when you hit the wall, the best thing you can do is probably take a very long, warm shower. The answer will only arrive once you stop looking for it.”

Showers! I’m telling you! I’ve lived it! Er, live it. This newsflash is now over. Goodnight and have a playground tomorrow. I mean p l e a s a n t tomorrow. One that brings you one day closer to the opening of The Hunger Games movie. Or at least one containing peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Flaxseed peanut butter. Organic raspberry jelly. Homemade bread w/secret ingredients, including carrot puree, wheatgerm and super-finely-grated zucchini.

White bread??? Come on over and have mine.

Don’t tell me, my husband insists when I present him with family food-time. I like it, he says. So DO NOT TELL ME what’s in it. Just–let me keep liking it.

And I do.

Posted in Avoiding My Writing, Fiction, Writer quotes, Writing Tips | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Quote For The Weekend (Rain Edition)

There’s always a period of curious fear between the first sweet-smelling breeze and the time when the rain comes cracking down.

—Don DeLillo

Yes. And a curious fear in the short time it takes to crack open the cover of White Noise and delve into the first page. He scares me. And enthralls me. But scares me enough that I haven’t read Falling Man yet. But I will. But kind of wish I already had. But I will. He is a writer I learn from and whose fiction haunts (me). His name reminds me of food, or a drink. Care for a DeLillo anyone? Yo, gimme a DeLillo on the rocks! DeLillo. Shaken. Not stirred. I’ll take a DeLillo with my Hitler Studies, thank you, and a pair of sunglasses. 1 flaming DeLillo, please, with a side of scallops. DeLillos for everyone, on the house! It’s raining. Non-acidic rain, we hope. Finally, it’s raining after the driest, hottest, windiest winter I can recall. It’s raining. Hard. The umbrellas have been located. Puddles were made use of. My little family is napping. The bookshelves are calling. Do you know where your DeLillo is?

Posted in books, Fiction, Me and Us, Quotes, Writer quotes, Writing | Tagged , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Middle Grade Tidbit

In case you’re missing it, agent Michael Bourret from Dystel & Goderich and editor Molly O’Neill are conversing via their blogs about middle grade novels–what they look for, what they like, what middle grade is or might be or possibly isn’t but not necessarily. The conversation will continue for a couple of weeks, it seems, so if, like me, you are interested in such topics and eager to know which middle grade books these two think are excellent, lasting, possible contemporary classics, and such, you will want to click. Although the bottom line seems to be, as always, no matter the genre, style or lack thereof: just write something good.

And now? This:

No. Not mold. I want to eat them all. With a Guinness. And a shamrock stuck to my forehead.

Posted in Children's Books, Fiction, middle grade, Writing, Writing Tips | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Deadline Mayhem

With a house full of in-laws, 1 out-of-his-brain-with-excitement preschooler, visiting dogs, horrified puking and peeing everywhere cats, a small crew installing the new dishwasher and ceiling fans and outdoor sensor lighting, much celebrating involving caramel cakes, Seuss stuffs and misbehaving golfclubs, 1 courtesy-of-kind-in-laws date night and a head cold going on all weekend, it was crazy to try and make a grant deadline. On my way to the laundry room, my arms full of hose-soaked little-boy clothes, I paused to re-read the grant instruction sheet about to slip off the top of my dog’s sleeping crate. A cold feeling worked its way into my heart. The date I thought stated ‘postmarked by’ actually read ‘must be received by’. Big difference. Upon cramming and starting the washing machine, I quickly rescued the wireless printer from beneath a paint splattered tarp, dodged workers and ladders and closed myself in my bedroom office where for the next hour I tweaked my writing bio, revised essays, found a way to trim my writing sample from 2501 words to the grant limit of 2500, took a break to make Thai coconut soup, obliged requests for popsicles, apple juice, cereal bars, pretzels, binoculars and a butterfly net, poured over all grant materials again, excused myself and headed for Kinko’s/Fedex. Never mind that I had started compiling these grant materials a month ago. Never mind that obviously I really need to get my eyes checked. Never mind that I forgot to add the coconut milk to the Thai coconut soup. Deadline accomplished. Now—this clouds-covered Tuesday, company departed, the cats recovering, my son and I cozy in our quiet home, I with my laptop, he with his Batcave toy—back to revising. What? You’d like to ride your bike to the park? Why, of course, sweet manlet! Just let me sit beneath these silently whirling fan blades, wipe the perspiration from my brow, primal scream into a pillow, swallow some Advil, calm my fluttering heart and blow my nose, then I am yours for the molding. What? Mama is so funny? Ha ha! Oh, little lovecup–I am relieved you think so. May this never change.

Posted in Fiction, Me and Us, Writer's Angst, Writing, Writing Progress | Tagged , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Quote For The Weekend (Yet Another Late Edition)

I am repeat quoting. Visiting the museum this weekend, I was once again struck by Marcel Proust’s words high on  a wall overlooking the displays of dinosaur bones. I am constantly trying to quickly evolve new eyes as I revise my novel and prepare to—well, send it to ‘someone’. Long walks are conducive to rapid eye evolvement. Also hot showers. And reading about James Cameron’s new expedition into the Mariana Trench, which is as  exciting to me as a paleontologist discovering dinosaur poop (about which my amazed preschooler received a detailed lecture—from a lovely museum volunteer wandering the hall with poop in hand). Voyages of discovery. Right on! I’m ready. (But first I need to get my eyes checked…)

Posted in Fiction, Quotes, Steps In Promotion, Writer quotes, Writing Progress | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Blog Break: Yes, Kony 2012

Primarily youth driven and raising awareness.

Click here for the movie. Scroll 1/2 way down their page. Watch. If you haven’t seen the film yet, it’s 27 minutes short and after the first 5 minutes you don’t care how long it is. If, like me, you donate to charities where your money goes towards helping children, then you’ll want to watch this movie and you will want to visit Invisible Children. Hurry. April fast approaches. PS. If you’re worried about criticism of Invisible Children, read the Visible Children complaint here and then read the Invisible Children response here.

We now return to our irregularly scheduled blogging—which finds PB in the Writing Armchair, fighting off a cold, examining plot details while thwarting the dog’s nightstick-like tail from knocking the Toshiba off her lap. Plus, there’s a husband in the mix,  ironing his slacks, as bleary-eyed as PB since they stayed up into the wee hours of a TUESDAY yacking as though they hadn’t seen each other in years. They yacked about the husband’s writing. They yacked about her writing and then she yacked about her writing, caught herself, and yacked some more. They yacked about organic broccoli, wall stencils and remembering to breathe when bombarded by stress. They yack-touched upon Hemingway’s shock therapy, how to pronounce Fluke and whether or not dolphins sleep with one eye open. Yack, yack, yack.

We'll take him home. We'll call him Mike.

And now all she wants to do is yack about Kony, but the husband is smoothing creases from slacks she can’t be trusted to iron and watching Superman to see if it’s preschooler appropriate (of COURSE it isn’t!). So PB sits and types and thwarts the tail, enjoying the late evening domestics, thrusting herself obnoxiously back into the first person as my son snoozes and the cats eat their crunchies and claw the ottoman and the wind, finally, dies down–but now all I can hear is Marlon Brando’s nasal voice and that’s when it’s really time to stop blogging and give up for the night with a wish for the safety of all children everywhere—vast wishing, the giving kind.

Posted in Avoiding My Writing, dog, Fiction, Me and Us, Writer's Angst, Writing Progress, WTF | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment