What I Can Do To Promote World Peace

Paging Mr. Bluebird...

548a.m. Pretty dark through the curtains. No birdsong. The bed is mine, S walking the dog, the boy snoozing anywhere from the next 15 minutes to the next hour. Barely awake, I feel the effects from gazing at my work until 1a.m: the world’s largest cat (it is boulder-stout and woolly) sits on my head. The real cat, 1 of 3 lounging around here, sighs audibly at my feet (almost every breath that leaves him has a sound tucked in it). He noses my right foot. The comforter is thick, but I feel his teeth anyway as he holds my big toe in his mouth, hoping the pressure will get me up and filling his bowl with wet stuffs. I dreamt about an ex-boyfriend–a duplicitious stockbroker (is there any other kind) who lied to himself, then me. All month I’ve been having ex-boyfriend dreams (certain disastrous choices, walking and talking). Maddening. Let go, I urge myself when meditating, of the past. But I thought I had–but there he was, a ghost harrassing. Over the weekend a friend’s friend suggested I go f*** myself. A stranger’s response to my comment that he not berate my friend over objections to Rush Limbaugh’s (I feel dirty writing that name) attack on Sandra Fluke. If you don’t like what he says, don’t listen to his show! My friend’s friend wrote. I responded: You don’t have to listen to RL’s show to know what he said. Obviously his comments are on every major newsfeed, network. Probably because I used obviously. 

Go F yourself.

Then I really felt dirty. Disturbed. And so foolish for engaging. I deleted my comment. We are usually off the grid in this house. It tends to make for clear(er) thinking and fosters creativity (unless it’s 1 or 6a.m.). We don’t have cable. My son is confused by commercials the rare occasions when he sees them at a relative’s house. He doesn’t understand why we can’t pause TV shows so he can run to the potty. When I present him with a new book, he gasps with delight and immediately sits down to ‘read’ it. Here, we watch DVD’s, not networks, and listen to a blatantly eclectic mix of music when we play in my son’s room. I don’t check in on Yahoo News. I avoid people.com. I only look at CNN if there’s an earthquake, tornado near Des Moines, or a country afflicted with a natural disaster. I never click on links written in caps and punctuation marks telling me I must know why those freaky three sisters are dabbing tears from their fake eyelashes. Writers live here–with hulu, sometimes, but writers–and a precious forming mind–live here, mostly off the grid. What can you do to promote world peace? Go home and love your family. Mother Teresa. All weekend I focused on loving my family and sweeping my own doorstep, not others’, which is impossible anyway. “No!” I whisper to the cat and he jumps off the bed with a noise and stalks from the room complaining. “Mama! I’m awake!” Outside, the jingle of the dog’s collar. An unmistakable clunk as the front door opens. “Helloooo, family,” S says softly. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

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Quote For The Weekend (Churchill Edition)

"Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference."

Anticipating the arrival of this plaque for my bedroom office so that every time I glance up from revising, whether it’s going well, or whether I’m making ghastly grammatical errors, whether my mind is filled with creative synapses, or is a very still, creaseless, no-edged pile of goop, I will see these words and I will comply. May also be useful when attempting to keep (trembling) limbs in Downward Facing Dog. And when finding supposedly meditating Self wondering why timer hasn’t rung…

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Critique Etiquette

 

Lifted from poet Susan Rich's website--oh, visit her!

The ever-interesting Beth Hull offers some valuable critiquing advice at her blog today. I highly recommend you check in–especially if, like me, you are gearing up for the Rocklin Spring Spirit conference, where critiquing will be in the air, water, food, veins and possibly all over my face as I receive it. Right on, Beth! Thanks for the post.

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Quote For The Weekend (Poem Edition That May Last Until Next Weekend Due To Secret Project, Beautifying The Ponderosa & After Effects Of Polishing Off Box Of Birthday See’s Candy & Snickers Bar Cake—Which Created The Most Hyper Preschooler On The Planet)

Famous Marketplace, Chiang Mai

This poem won me a fellowship to the Abroad Writers’ Conferences. I debated  thoroughly utilizing the generous benefits of my fellowship and hightailing it to Thailand, especially as my dear, cool, ever-fascinating friend Chris Abani was a workshop leader and how fun would it have been to spend time with him studying poetry and exploring Chiang Mai—but I chickened out. I was 7 months pregnant and couldn’t fathom 36 hours of travel, a view other than that from my king size bed, and different food(s). It was a nice award, though. I still cherish it. Unfortunately I can’t get WordPress to format the text pleasantly. I’ve tried all the tricks. Sorry about that. This poem also appears in my chapbook, Nightmares With Moons, which I wish I could re-edit, hopefully because I’m a better poet now than I was when Moons was first published by Pudding House, which is still the best independent chapbook publisher on the planet (cue cymbals crashing).

Bright Spot Through Wires

I pointed out Griffith Observatory.

He said: through those wires?

I said: Yes. He nodded

as if he had no qualms

with my particular mangy view

of heterogeneous city. I think,

in fact, he was preoccupied,

having left prescription glasses

inside, high on my kitchen counter

with the rest of his emptied pockets—

metal-ish mannish items: clipped

bills, a pocket knife. Could he see

the bright dome of the observatory?

He saw the wires. On a clear day, I

pressed, you can see the Hollywood sign.

I wasn’t looking at him, not directly,

but caught his nod—the type of slow

solo nod one might give mortality.

I liked it. But I was worried: I invited

him here to my balcony of sky and scape

to watch the sun drop, this dusk confined

by haze like a sad sea creature netted,

hauled to a surface, forced

on display. One thought dug

into me like nails: you can’t see it.

You can’t see it. You can’t…

Later, after pan-fried tilapia and red

potatoes, he confessed he was a dolphin

in another life. And in yet another, a sea

turtle. I was astonished. He struck me

as a man of logic like narrow ladders,

simple-cousin equations applied to both office

and home (should he ever visit there), compass

brain clicking, green, chartable eyes. Perhaps

he was, in fact, a lunatic. I liked it. And I

had to know: How did you die?

1. ripped to tatters by sharks drunk on the blood of seals—

too close, reckless, too close.

2. a simple drift to the bottom of a fathom,

an acute sense of 100 years

following like a pleasant

fluttering

shroud.

I liked it. Slasher death. Gentle death.

I sipped my yellow wine, I laughed out loud

and at that moment the green eyes slipped

from mine

and I was lost.

Midnight, city light wriggly as live bait,

the kiss a mild struggle reeking of déjà vu

and off he went. This is what happened next:

On the balcony—nursing a burn, dis-

secting the kiss—I watched his headlights

coast and bob down the one-way street

I live on, a dusky rise named for canyon

echoes and echoing mayhem down there

(invite someone new into that). The distant

howl of a famished coyote became brakes

whining, then screaming. Reverberation

whumped the far canyon wall, then my

wall, a city slit of instant war. I closed

my eyes, tuned in: what happened.

Get The Hell Off Me. Then, nothing.

No sirens. No helicopter wielding

a surefire beam. I thought:

this is all new. You don’t know—

how could you when I ask questions

in the middle of a surefire kiss, but I

had a title I died for. Too close. So

reckless! Get off me…What

happened. Nothing. Except that I

died. I did. I

died.

He left in time

(green eyes slipping).

Oh, yes:

he also died a soldier’s death in WWII. Shot in the head.

He’s not saying it’s real. Not one of his lives,

lives. But he’s open: what can’t be proven might

be true.

I like it. How can I

not.

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And Now This

cue yoga music (wooden flutes and small gongs tapped with thought and care)

Remember in the movie Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs when Flynt pulls up that kitten bit on his computer screen and 3 hours fly by? Or maybe you don’t as, unlike me, you have not seen the movie 40,000 times because your preschooler is ever-enthralled with it (kittens, falling hamburgers, ratbirds and all). In any case (though not to be rude) imagine the flowers pictured here as those kittens as I work madly on a scecret project that comes with a deadline. No matter the outcome of this project, I do know that TBTW (my MG novel) is benefitting from the close attention—and despite my recent birthday and various forms of paralyses when it comes to a joyous celebration involving number combinations that include 4 but not 5 or 108 less a certain amount, etc. Flower Power!

Posted in Children's Books, Fiction, middle grade, To Explain | Tagged , , , , , | 6 Comments

Quote For The Weekend (Late Edition As Was OOT With Feet In Ocean, Wot!)

Endured 7 years of rejection before his first novel was published (the first novel out of the many he'd already written, never giving up--there was no stopping him).

Most of us are called on to perform tasks far beyond what we can do. Our capabilities seldom match our aspirations, and we are often woefully unprepared. To this extent, we are all Assistant Pig-Keepers at heart.

—Lloyd Alexander

I am not going to blog about my Kindle Fire. I’m done with that and am still shocked I dedicated an entire post to the nifty little sucker. However, the KF did come in handy this latest trip north—I didn’t have to cart a stack of books with me and since I was reading for research purposes, what a treat to travel lighter—although what does that mean, really, when traveling with a preschooler except that the space in my suitcase reserved for my books was filled instead with his toys. One of them a space shuttle as big as a dachsund. And a spiky stegosaurus my mind transformed into a live iguana each time I saw it peeking through my sweaters, causing me to scream a little as I packed…

This trip I was engrossed in Lloyd Alexander’s The Book Of Three, the first book in The Chronicles Of Prydain, featuring Taran, Assistant Pig-Keeper—finding his way to hero status through adventures, mishaps and accompanied or hindered by all manner of odd characters with twisty or twin-consonant-filled names no mortal can properly pronounce. (When I was 10 and a dedicated bookworm, I remember enjoying wrapping my mind around the Welsh words as I was gripped by the story from page 1.) In addition to the sensory titillation received when reading long forgotten ancient words of yore, like vexed, I recommend the action sequences for learning purposes, if you happen to be writing a book involving action involving more than a duel. Stampede-ish battles? This is your book.

I wish I still had my copy from childhood. The cover was much better.

Sir Hero Alexander’s pacing and visuals  have much to teach. I especially love when we first meet the Cauldron-Born and he has them gallop towards Taran, dismount mid-gallop and run, weapons raised, without breaking stride, towards their terrified target. Nice! Effectively scary. Also interesting are Lord Of The Rings similarities and a character resembling (in character) Rowling’s Dobby–or, rather, Dobby resembles Gurgi. The unceasing chain of influence and inspiration (traced back to the beginning of the beginning of fairytales). Fflewddur Fflam! No, I don’t need a tissue.

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Quote For The Weekend (Tide Pool Edition)

My rock!

“If a child is to keep his inborn sense of wonder, he needs the companionship of at least one adult who can share it, rediscovering with him the joy, excitement and mystery of the world we live in.”

—Rachel Carson

I rediscover the world through my son as I watch him make games out of rocks exposed by the minus tide. So many possibilities for the imagination. Taking a closer look at shape, lines, gaps. Not taking a single portion of beach for granted, finding the new in all of it. When was the last time you draped yourself over a sunwarmed rock and closed your eyes? Jumped. Ran for no reason except that it feels good. Found a half-buried starfish, tossed it back. Picked up a shell glistening with sea water, kept it. Faced the wind and shouted. Poked anemones (gently). Teaching him about the beach teaches me to look more closely at just about everything. Ah, you’re thinking. Now she’s going to bring her writing into it–closer readings, experimenting whilst revising her novels (ad nauseum), etc…

Well, yes. Happy weekend! What? It’s Sunday evening? Well, writing and beachcombing are grand time suckers in this family. Fortunately. See you next week. Take care of your sense of wonder.

Posted in Avoiding My Writing, Children's Books, fish, ocean related, Quotes, Santa Barbara, Writer quotes, Writing, Writing Tips | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

And Fire

Heretic? Yes. However, one thing is certain: having a Kindle Fire will not stop me from buying books. Ever. Actual books, not the virtual kind that pale and irritate on the screen when compared to the hearty, my precious, real deals I can hold, weep on without worrying about elotrocution, peel from my cheek after falling asleep on, stack creatively, place a coffee mug on, shelve with other lovely titles, worship each time I walk by my collection. I love my modest home library and anticipate its expansion into an immense home library. This will never change about me. Hopefully a love of books will never change for my son, either, who is being brought up not on Gameboys, but literature that comes in those things you have to open up. Once hooked, hooked for life, I hope.

This was my selling point: since I am in the Straits Of Revision for 2 novels, I can take my Kindle Fire-In-My-A** to coffee shops, the shady bench outside my son’s classroom as I wait to take him home, the doctor’s office, the—hm. Pedicurist (although can’t remember the last time I visited there). Bus stop (ditto). Um–Albertson’s check-out line (although if they don’t see me fuming, how will they know to open another register?). The line at the Redbox machine (but I’m so on top of Redbox I pre-order and pick up by 7a.m., thus avoiding insufferable movie-title-perusing types). Anywhere, really, when out and the free moment arises to check on my work. This way, I do not have to cart my laptop with me. Not that I do. But now I don’t have to. Even though I don’t, certainly not to the pedicurist or bus stop, which I never visit anyway. But now I am saved from having to cart it to the Redbox line I never stand in…No:

I do not need a Kindle Fire.

But it will come in handy. Especially when scrolling through poetry journals I have no intention of purchasing hard copies of (unless my poems are in them). And for me, there is A LOT of scrolling to be done. What I mean is (oh, thank you kind waiter refilling my coffee cup): revision and research, ladies and gentlemen! Ready, set———-oooh! My Facebook feed is all vibrant with color…And see? I just open the red cover and there is my KF. Close, open, close, open. And these charming things called “skins” attach to the back of KF’s. Ha ha! Nice shelves! Maybe I’ll subscribe to the New Yorker again–virtually–oooooooh. I hear music. Etc…

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Quote For The Weekend (Superbowl Edition)

A writer and his cat at work

1. In modern war…you will die like a dog for no good reason.

2. Man is not made for defeat.

—Ernest Hemingway

I regret not going into Hemingway’s house when I was in Key West. Instead I stood out on the sidewalk, by the pretty brick wall, a gazing idiot in her little sundress and flipflops. I felt shy, as if he was alive and in the house, disgusted by me ogling the arching windows and shade scattering palms. I was in shock that he had lived in the cheerful tropics. The manly man, safari man, war hero prolific in a precious city infested with twinkle lights and laughter? I had a drink in Captain Tony’s/Sloppy Joe’s (not a Teacher’s and soda or a Papa Dobles, another regret)–of course I did–searching, as any Hemingway fanatic will when visiting ‘his’ town. I brooded over my Amstel Light, irked by the happy people everywhere I looked. Why the hell didn’t I go in the house? I thought, wanting things. I vowed to return to 907 Whitehead Street, even though snooping through the homes of famous dead people I admire gives me not answers, not insight into idols and legends, but the creeps.

Papa? Is that you?

But then I was overcome by the white beaches and fantastic snorkeling, bewitched by the sunsets viewed from the bricks of Mallory Square. I laughed, even under water. I ate conch fritters with a huge smile on my sunburned face. I had one of the best meals of my life at Louie’s Backyard. I purchased twinkle lights and packed them reverently in my suitcase. I did not return to the Hemingway Home And Museum. I got it. Key West is magical, or as Papa himself said: “It’s the best place I’ve ever been anytime, anywhere, flowers, tamarind trees, guava trees, coconut palms…Got tight last night on absinthe and did knife tricks.”

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Tropic of Dentist

Sharing this delightful list after a harrowing dentist appointment for my son (and his parents), in which despite kiddie valium being administered, despite the unfortunately Hannibal-Lecter-like restraints and despite the nose mask pumping in “giggle stuff”, my son raged quite effectively at having his mouth poked and a few of his teeth saved. Part of me is glad he is so strong and has so much fight in him. The other part of me feels as if she was eaten by a tornado. Yet another top secret part of me wonders whose side of the family the offending teeth came from as my teeth are fine—now—so obviously on my husband’s side of the family someone had teeth issues in the grand manner of George Washington. And then I scold myself for such top secret thoughts as seeing my son drugged was so emotionally debilitating I had to leave the room, go to the car, take deep breaths and phone lifelines before returning to my little family. I cannot imagine what it’s like for parents with hospitalized children. If dentist torture is the worst we ever have to go through, I’ll take it. And write about it later. And be grateful my husband and I are competent tag-teamers for a boy who is usually a fireball of good health. And now, borrowing from numbers 7 and 8, I shall not be a draught-horse, nor work with pleasure only, but retire to my bed office and keep human (with hatches closed down tight–but no bloody cleavers flashing, thank you, H.M.).

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Quote For The Weekend (Seminar Edition)

Pet the dog, people. Pet the dog.

Some writers, critics, and other assorted literati sniff at plotting as a tool of craft. A synonym of plotting, in this mindset, is slumming, something decent people just don’t do.  

—James Scott Bell

Whose seminar I attended this morning in Burbank for almost 3 hours, using my hair to cover my right eye so no one would notice the burst blood vessel I received from yesterday’s yoga session (that’s what I get for not remembering to breathe in the Superman pose). My stomach wouldn’t stop growling. Loudly. I think it was agitated by the aroma of the free mints on the table I sat near, and the fact that I’d had only a smoothie for breakfast. I heard my stomach. So did others. I also heard the following: LOCK SYSTEM. A great plot is the record of how a character deals with death. Why is something a formula??? Because it works!!! At this point I suddenly became distracted by a movie poster of Scream 3 on the wall. Was that Chris Rock’s face? From where I sat I couldn’t read the credits. I began obsessing on whether or not it was, in fact, Chris Rock and if it was, what the he** was he doing in a Scream 3. I haven’t seen Scream 3 (obviously). I haven’t even seen Scream 2. But I had to know if it was Chris Rock. I HAD TO KNOW. Since the classroom was smallish and I was seated in the 2nd row,  it suddenly occurred to me that JSB might notice that I was craning my neck and squinting at the poster. My stomach growled. My red eye twitched. I pulled myself together and floated back into the seminar. And I heard: Q FACTOR! Translation software for your imagination. Types of lead characters. Pet the dog. Beginning. Middle. End. THE STAKES MUST BE DEATH. At this point, I really wanted to look at that poster again—but I didn’t. Instead, I heard (and copied down) a quote by Robert Newton Peck: A plot is two dogs and one bone. Clips from City Slickers, Moonstruck and The Fugitive were interspersed between more advice and more quotes, such as this one by Alfred Hitchcock: A great story is life with the dull parts taken out. Oh, I gleaned much today, startled to discover that aspects of the “formula” referred to throughout the seminar actually live in my children’s novel–which was written organically, with non-organic coffee standing by and not a plot-sheet in sight.  As I mentioned earlier, reading about craft, attending lectures and seminars on craft? Difficult for me. But I’m making myself read and listen because it’s just not a bad idea to revisit some basics. Plus, I wouldn’t have been given the wonderful term PET THE DOG if I had skipped the seminar (my monster eye, general fatigue—I have good excuses to be a homebody and honor a certain little man’s request to sit in his room of primary colors and play with the Bat Cave). JSB is a thorough lecturer. And he’s read The Hunger Games. In fact, I think he’s read every book on the planet and seen every movie ever made. He is a walking/lecturing resource. Go see him if you can.

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Oak Ents

Most bewitching oaks in Los Angeles

This was the morning: camellias and oak trees. And koi ponds, a small, very green lake with coots and mallards drifting, a Japanese garden with an unattended snack bar my son immediately took over, stepping behind the counter (which came up to his nose), ordering me to order french fries and a hangaburger, then ordering me to speak to his bird (which he ‘materialized’ from a refrigerator that wouldn’t open). He held the bird out to me on his hand. When I took the bird with my forefinger and spoke to it, he took it back with his forefinger and gave it many kisses. Oh, life. 8 years ago if someone had showed me this little scene? I wouldn’t have believed it. Miracles abound. In wastelands, in previously established routines, in Los Angeles. And I don’t know what the bejeezus it is about oak trees, but they are magic. They calm me, shutting down panic-bits I wasn’t even aware I was harboring. When there are enough oaks to make a puzzle of the sky, I can’t help but stop and gaze and listen. Old and snaggle-leaved, kinked branches wending with a surprising grace—a definite peace transfers to the gazer…Someday I hope whatever house we live in is surrounded by oak trees, indefinitely.

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Speaking Of Poetry

reading writing typing typing typing

Askew , a poetry journal, accepted a poem of mine for their May issue. It’s nice to have an acceptance so early in the year, providing me with impetus to keep submitting my work even when the day starts at 5:30a.m. and could end at 9:00p.m.—unless I ignore my pillows and cozy bed and write, revise or crawl into huluplus for an hour (a wretched temptation). I’ve read Askew for years and am an admirer of co-editor and poet Marsha de la O. There’s an earthy, mysterious quality to her work that I respond to—and I’m forever interested in the work of Californian poets. Plus, Askew is Ventura based—a local. So grateful when locals accept my work—Chaparral, Solo, Runes (very sad they’re gone now), Santa Barbara Independent. I feel so much more part of a writing community. When I start writing things like, so much more part of I know it’s time to sign off. It’s almost 10p.m. Do you know where your favorite writing chair is? Phoning the corner bar and telling mine to get its indented (and unfortunately patterned) cushions home this instant.

Yours in poetry and nimbly (numbly?) typing fingers,

PB

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Quote For The Weekend (Pulled Muscle Edition)

making spinach muffins, scrubbing toilets, picking up dog poop, Googling Albert Einstein, surfing the Ikea website, pain...

“Writers are notorious for using any reason to keep from working: over-researching, retyping, going to meetings, waxing the floors–anything.”

—Gloria Steinem

I opened the door to my son’s classroom and an invisible  claw grabbed the muscles in my right side and clenched. Twisted while clenching. Clenched as if my muscles were Playdough. Or my sad morning cinnamon waffles. I sank into a kiddie chair with a fixed smile on my face, repeating, “Ha ha ha!”, as though I was laughing. A teacher hurried over. In soft (so as not to arouse kiddie suspicion), urgent tones and many run-ons, she said: “Are you all right? Should I call a doctor? What are you feeling do you want some water? Can you describe the pain is it your muscles kidneys? Have you experienced this before what day is it today? What planet are you on? When was the last time you studied Einstein’s theory of relativity? Is this a stunt to avoid your writing? Why did you tattle on that one girl when you were in the 2nd grade who’s your daddy?” Etc.

I wanted to primal scream in a roomful of four year olds. I wanted to rip my right side from my body and feed it to the classroom pet bunny. I wanted to run screaming into the playground and impale myself on a kiddie rake. Instead, I pretended I was fine and, because I couldn’t walk, stalked to the minivan, still smiling.

I screamed the entire five minutes back to my house. FIX IT FIX IT FIX IT, I pleaded into the phone as I writhed upon the bed. My husband was a professional masseuse in another life, but he couldn’t leave the office to come and save me. He spoke to me in polite fragments (because the whole office was listening): Hot shower. Breathe. Advil. Pillows. Under. Knees! Tennis ball. Below. Lower back. No screaming. Breathing. Forgive. Self. For not knowing. String Theory. Write. Write. Write.

I took 4 Advil, screamed into my favorite pillow and lay on the bed regretting skipping my yoga workouts since December 29th, when I got that stomach virus followed by the flu followed by a cold followed by insomnia. Were the yoga goddesses punishing me? Was I clenching up from lack of sleep? Was I feeling guilty for not understanding time/space continuums, therefore taking my ignorance out on the muscles on the right side of my body? Was I coming up with fresh and particularly horrifying ways to avoid my writing?

2 hours later I got off the bed like nothing had ever been eating me alive and drove to pick up my son. Currently, apart from a faint twinging if I reach out with my right arm, it’s like nothing happened. Yet……Tomorrow I will start with 10 sun salutations and ease back into Om. Right? Yes, of course. I can imagine myself doing sun salutations. In imagination lies hope (who said that???).

It’s supposed to rain tomorrow. My husband is taking our son to the library so I may experience some quiet writing time. I think a cat peed on the bathroom tile. The dog’s ears still need cleaning. The washed muffin tin has residue.

There’s just no escaping some things.

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I Told You So

We hit town late afternoon-ish and I immediately honor the request for the museum and its entertaining dinosaur footprints indented in cement, pgymy mammoth bones, taxidermied (the fraying sort) mountain animals and vultures, buttons igniting barn owl shrieks and snake rattles and of course there is the excavating pit filled with sand and paint brushes and impossible-to-completely-uncover plastic bones and although he nixes the planetarium show, I admit the gift shop is fun with its bottled goo and Jupiter Juice, dinosaur eggs and display of alarmingly priced, richly colored pashminas I almost can’t resist. When it is time to leave, I try again: The beach? No, he quips, blowing into his straw so intensely the carton of organic milk sounds like a mini-cauldron in full boil. It isn’t until we’re half way to the beach that the solution hits me: Tide pools? Silence. Then, Yes, yes, yes! Hermit crabs! And he carries on from there, so that when I pull into the beach’s lot, he is antsy to escape the car. I roll up our jeans and ferry him, like the little lord he is, across the parking lot to the rocky path and down we go, hand in hand, into five o’ clock sun dazzling our eyes as it jazzes up the water, the surf mild, the tide out, exposing rocks adorned in colonies of button-sized sea anemones and tide pools teeming with hermits and, to his joy, the bare feet of fellow children. He joins a pack of exploring kids as I perch on a rock, controlling urges to shout at him to be careful, biting my knuckles when he slips into a pool and soaks his jeans and most of his shirt. When he picks himself up and laughs at the gold sky, I take a breath. And another. Mental notes for my ocean-infested novel(s) come so fast I scold myself for not showing up with a pen and notebook in my pockets. As he cavorts, splashing and screaming with the others, I steal glances at the ocean’s mingling ribbons of plum, sapphire, teal and, eventually, out there, beyond that island’s rolling spine, shocking fire-pinks. I feel so grateful when I’m by the sea. Slapped awake in a dream. Pushed into reverie that is not so vague, not so misty. It’s why I keep coming back. Well, and because I revel in his (fickle) love for it. When he commands me to look as he jumps from the same rock he first slipped from, back into the same deep pool, I do, with applause. The first beach visit of 2012 reddens our cheeks and, by the time we head for the minivan—soaked, sand-caked—we are ravenous. I knew you’d like it, I think, but don’t say because I told you so bothers me, even though I told you so is not what I mean. After buckling him into his seat, I pull a shell from my pocket, its ridges striped white and black. He takes it from me with a tiny gasp, turns it over in fingers no doubt younger than the shell. Usually I throw the good ones back, give them a second chance for obscurity (preservation?)—but (unlike the dashing pashminas at the museum) I couldn’t resist it, secreting it in my pocket, waiting for this moment, the sort only poems accurately describe—and inevitably embellish.

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Quote For The Weekend (Another Sunday Late Edition Blrrrrgh)

The blood jet is poetry/there is no stopping it.

—Sylvia Plath

I could stare at this photo for hours…

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Spring Spirit 2012

Road Trip

Recently writer Beth Hull turned me on to the Spring Spirit conference, an annual SCBWI California North/Central event held in Rocklin, CA. This year, I’m excited to say I will be attending. The lineup is top notch, including the YA Muses I am always mentioning (wisely), there are lectures/panels to choose from and for one full day I get to do nothing but learn in the company of MG and YA writers and illustrators. I have enjoyed my local SCBWI Writer’s Days, especially when my novel won that SPECIAL MENTION I’m mentioning again, however this day-long conference is a whole other—it’s late, I’m just going to say animal. Worth looking into if you’re in the area—or not, like me. I may even stay overnight at one of those things we have in this country called HOTELS, ALOOOOONE, use an indoor pool and “free” gym, order room service—ALOOOONE*—and watch HBO revise my novel, having been so inspired from the conference. Looking to be a very un-cruel April.

*Will, however (although not perversely), miss my husband and child the entire time and be longing to share my hotel experience with them, should I have one. Seriously.

Yours truly,

Ms. Homebody

Posted in Children's Books, Me and Us, middle grade, Writing, YA Novels | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Time Spent

Night Llamas. Comprendes?

Roaming the house looking for my reading glasses when on top of head entire time: a good 15 minutes (additional minutes tacked on when distracted by each room’s white elephant: mound of clean yet hopelessly wrinkled laundry on guest room bed, the way the dining room table has become a disorganized desk, the half eaten cereal bar on top of the printer, dust bunnies in that one corner of the bathroom…).

In search of my cell phone after promising myself I would never need to go in search of it again: 10 agonizing minutes (during which husband is emailed to please call so cell phone will announce its location—he calls—after I’ve found it—in my Ugg boot behind the chair piled in rough drafts of my children’s novel, the top page of which has been shredded by kitty claws).

Time spent ransacking kitchen drawers and cupboards for the bread machine blade/dough kneading gadget even though not making bread until weekend: 7 agonizing minutes (husband put it away, so…)

Time spent fuming about that one thing that one ex-boyfriend said twenty years ago that still chaps my hide—until I catch myself fuming and take deep breaths, focusing on LETTING GO OF THE PAST and FORGIVENESSSSSSS: really only a few (progress!).

Time spent staring out living room windows at struggling yard imagining new decking, Mexican-red umbrellas, voluminous bougainvilla hiding unfortunate paint job of back wall, shiny silver BBQ number with exciting extra burners, patio table set in beading pitchers of margaritas and desert rose patterned trays filled with savory tapas, twinkle lights twinkling from eaves, smily visitors lounging, laughter and fun as I don a fashionable sombrero, wave gaily at my son trotting the llama around the lawn and signal the mariachi band to begin their set: too numerous to count.

Time spent revising children’s novel: 2 hours (at patio table covered in pine needles from latest windstorm and set in plastic tumbler filled with  protein drink, a pile of remote control toys that need new batteries and a struggling potted lavender plant).

Number of minutes spent procrastinating, fuming about past or daydreaming during 2 hours of revision time: none.

Ahhhh. There we go, PB. Bliss. Just get there a little faster. And maybe dispose of that cereal bar.

Posted in Avoiding My Writing, Children's Books, Fiction, middle grade, Pets, To Explain, Writer's Angst, Writing, Writing Progress, WTF | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Quote For The Weekend (Sunday Late Edition–Oops)

Karma, karma, karma!

Lifted directly from Spiritual Now Dot Com. The Dalai Lama’s 20 ways to get good karma (believe it or not). Compare to Gandhi’s top 10 fundamentals for changing the world. Live well, long and, of course, prosper as you wash dishes, mow the lawn, stuff laundry into the machine, play with your son and his bat cave toy, soothe fevers, feed pets that pee on your bare leg, and generally enjoy domestics (seriously, I savor it all):

Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.

Follow the three R’s: –  Respect for self, –  Respect for others and –  Responsibility for all your actions.

Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.

Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.

Don’t let a little dispute injure a great relationship.

When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

Spend some time alone every day.

Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values.

Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll be able to enjoy it a second time.

A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.

In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past.

Share your knowledge. It is a way to achieve immortality.

Be gentle with the earth.

Once a year, go someplace you’ve never been before.

Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.

Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

If you want others to be happy, practice compassion.

If you want to be happy, practice compassion.

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Under The Never Sky

Discovered in the dusty urban jungle that is my front porch

Finally, my Amazon pre-ordered copy of Veronica Rossi’s debut novel arrived. This afternoon I heard a thump on the front porch, opened the door and found the package (it was sealed at the time, of course). The UPS man placed it in the stroller for me. He rocks. I urge you to read Under The Never Sky and read all about Veronica’s exciting adventure to publication at her website and at the ever-thoughtful and thought-provoking YA Muses. Can’t wait to get started reading this evening. In the meantime, I will admire the beautiful cover between playing with the Batman Cave toy with my son and folding laundry. Happy reading!

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A Little Nap Reading

Would like writing to breakout instead of face

I’m terrible when it comes to reading (cue echoing god-voice): books on craft. I used to ride horses that shied when the wind picked up, theirs withers trembling, nostrils flaring noisily. Hold Donald Maass’ book up before me and I’ve got the same reaction, stupidly side-stepping into appliances and laundry baskets. I suppose I’m afraid I’ll squash organic creativity by reading (cue the voice): craft tips. But here’s the thing: I’m tired. I’ve had broken sleep for the past 5 years. I pretend to be an early riser for the sake of the doodly-woodly-delicious-wicious early rising little boy I would do anything for–but inside, I’m dreaming of flannel-covered down. Tiredness takes a toll on the writing mother. I want to be more effective during the revision process and (with the other 2 novels I’m working on) creative process and so I’m going to do my best to read Mr. Maass’ niftily laid out book without whinnying to the skies—I mean, sighing to the stars. And then I’m moving on to Bell and what’s-her-name, dang it, you know—the brilliant one—Autobiography Of Red, HER ALMIGHTY, yes, Anne Carson. Sigh. See? I need help. And so I’m going to find it. And learn and persist. Because, tired as I am, I’m the one in control (see previous post). Iamincontrol. And now, instead of blogging about reading, I’m going to read during naptime. Or—sleep for 30 minutes and then read. How about 10 minutes of sleep and 85 minutes of reading. Huh. Did you know it’s 2012? Ah. I didn’t think so. That’s why you’re here.

Posted in Adult writing, Avoiding My Writing, Fiction, Steps In Promotion, Writer's Angst | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

When I Despair, I Remember

Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi’s Top 10 Fundamentals For Changing The World

  1. Change Yourself
  2. You are in control
  3. Forgive and let go
  4. Without action you aren’t going anywhere
  5. Take care of this moment
  6. Everyone is human
  7. Persist
  8. See the good in people and help them
  9. Be congruent, be authentic, be your true self
  10. Continue to grow and evolve

“When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth and love has always won. There have been tyrants, and murderers, and for a time they can seem invincible, but in the end they always fall. Think of it–always.”

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Quote For The New Year

Tick Tocking Along

We spend January 1 walking through our lives, room by room, drawing up a list of work to be done, cracks to be patched.  Maybe this year, to balance the list, we ought to walk through the rooms of our lives… not looking for flaws, but for potential.

~Ellen Goodman

Happy 2012, authors. May the potential overflow into publication. And then some.

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Writing During The Holidays

Multitasking abandoned

My laptop sits on the kitchen counter as I cook. Right hand stirring the dumpling mixture, my left hand’s floury fingers type (not skillfully), Have you a mind to sink, the woman weeps to those gathered in the room, to no one. The sound of something shattering out on the patio. “Oh, Man,” groans my Mother-In-Law as my son squeal-giggles. All three dogs are barking.

Dressed in my Christmas blouse, which is really a summer blouse because the Santa Anas have ravaged this valley for 3 days, stewing us in heat, forcing us to pull out the boring shorts and flipflops at Christmas, I sit on my bed with my laptop, pretending I can’t hear the many beloveds arriving for dinner. I should have left her alone, he muttered, searching the channel for the rowboat. She’s killing me. “Mama! Wook!” My son bursts into the bedroom wielding a candy cane, which is like giving Crank to a kitten. “Where are the mutilated poems, Polly asks,” I whisper, chasing after my son and vowing to remember this line if I’m ever alone with my laptop again.

Just as I collapse on the couch for the first time in many madcap centuries and haul my laptop to my pajamas-covered legs, my eye is caught by my husband staggering for the bathroom, hand over his mouth. I write: baffled as to why the albino twins rile her, and set the computer aside, providing hand towels, encouraging whispers and plumped pillows, my son and I playing with the Bat Cave toy for the next 22 years.

Far beneath the dining room tile, she senses a rumble.

My son orders me to look at his plate. “I ate all my bweakfast!” Widening my eyes and uttering exclamations of (genuine) appreciation, I finish writing: Just how many roadside tacos did he eat? Ella wonders, her stomach churning when she imagines Love or even Front Row Red socking Frankie in the face. “No, Mama–you’re not wooking!”

I am in the guestroom bed. Behind me are miles of fun with my child and whatever I could give my suffering spouse to ease his agony. In attempt to keep one of us healthy, my illness-plagued husband and I sleep in separate beds tonight. I relish the Christmas revelings of late, this sweet family life I am so grateful for, but at last: some time to write. When she turns to him, the passenger seat holds only her bags of clothes, her potted plants…

When she turns to him…spin the sky…when she turns…whale’s spout…when she turns…O enormous yawn! You are not welcome here. O moon, O moan…

Why don’t the f***ing books f***ing write themselves…

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No Sickness (O My Stars)

What would Christmas be without slow cooked chili and chive-flecked dumplings?

I remember using the mini food processor chopper thing to within an inch of its life, opening cans of Christmas delicacies like organic kidney beans, tomato paste (yes, organic tomato paste—who knew) and what is Christmas without ye olde Christmas mandarin oranges (but not in syrup). I recall pouring an entire bottle of pear cider into a saucepan, followed by a bottle of white wine and spoonfuls of mesquite honey and a dozen little logs of cinnamon which jammed appealingly, but failed to get the house as eu de Christmas as I wanted. I will never forget the cats huddled on the couch in the garage, their eyes thick with traumatization because of the visiting dogs invading their land—oh always cookies shedding the precious sprinkles to carpets, a stint for the martini glasses and wedding flutes and maybe no cranberry goat cheese log, but right on with the homemade chicken salsa and holiday chips, the slow cooked chili with chive-flecked dumplings and the potato and leek soup (there we go, a little more Christmas than anything besides the cider) and always the sense of keeping the sickness at bay by backing my smile with another of steel, by not acknowledging dubious splotches on floors and definitely by playing the piano with my own brand of semi-composed Edwardian passion as the company moved to the summery patio where the boy painted a birdhouse and the martinis resurfaced and the dogs tore through (up) the spartan yard and how could Christmas be Christmas without schedules utterly knocked off their hinges? Sunday, you speak to the stars, speaking showing your charms, you are books, you are bones, are you right—right for wishing?

But of course.

The view from the couch is so cheery I will never come down with the colds guests showed up with or that thing that is making my husband hug the commode today as the cats reclaim their cushions and nooks and our dog snores from 2 days of unfamiliar exertion and the boy—the beautiful, blue-eyed Christmas babe we lived all of Christmas through—naps.

It is boxing day. I am unwrapping my soul after disinfecting doorknobs. I am settling my eyes in sun and I have no further suggestions…Except, possibly, these: vitamins, juice and a fateful leap of the mind—right into 2012—quickly—before the next round of holiday trampling, before the neighbors throw another party in molto forte, before the boy wakes and we begin re-exploration of the Bat Cave toy, before the stars can even pretend they don’t hear a word I’m thinking. Leap——breathe.

Posted in Avoiding My Writing, dog, Faction, Pets, Poetry, Writing Progress | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment